Thankful

In a few hours I will be taking baby boy on his first airplane trip ever! We are so very excited! Since I will not be in the blogging world for Thanksgiving, I decided to write a little something something for the event.

Oh Give Thanks, Unto the Lord; For He is Good, Yes He is Good!

I have lots to be thankful for this year.

1. I am thankful for my life, it could have been taken from me in the blink of an eye.
2. I am thankful for my son, I love him so very much and he truly is my joy.
3. I am thankful for salvation, I know in this world it is very easy to get bogged down with all the doom and gloom. However, my salvation gives me hope and lets me know it won't always be this way.
4. I am thankful for my Bible. Now this one surprised me, I have been making a conscience decision to read the Bible. Yesterday after reading I laid it down, last night I HAD to find it. Makes you think how long I took it for granted.
5. I am thankful for my family. All of my family, the beloved ones and the ones I wouldn't claim as mine and the ones I get frustrated and annoyed with.
6. I am thankful that my needs are met. I know it seems like a predictable run through for people to say they are thankful for their food, house, clothes, bed, running water, heat/air. But the truth of the matter is, there are those that don't have these things.
7. I am thankful that I have purpose in life. Thankful that I'm not just a knot of a log that pulled itself together from primordial ooze.
8. I am thankful for my church family. When you join a family of believers and become committed to them, things are surprisingly different.
9. I am thankful for true friends. I am not the easiest person to get along with at times, and I am thankful I have people that will stick by me.
10. I am thankful that God is God. YHWH (Yaweh) is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. So many things in life change, for good or bad, but God does not change, his word does not change and the way he sees us does not change. He always loves us and longs for a relationship with us.

For he has turned my mourning into DANCING,

and he has turned my sorrow inot JOY!

More Seed

I have written a post about a woman who gave me the "Pentacostal handshake" on one of the Sundays past. I also wrote that I didn't know what to do with the money. It wasn't enough to open a bank account to save for baby boy, although that was a good suggestion, and will do that as soon as I get enough money together. So, after I prayed about it, I had no other peace but to give it all back. I told God that I was giving back what he had blessed me with and that it was up to him how it was spent. Now, let me just say at church one of the lessons being taught is expect a harvest from the seeds you sow. For a week and some odd days I repeated to myself "God, I expect you to be faithful" not that he hasn't been during all the commotion. The next time I saw the woman, she gave me double the seed she had given me before! I was really surprised too. This time the seed came with specfic instructions on how to use it. I haven't found the "best" yet as per the instructions so I'm holding on to it till then. Then today riding in the car running errands, Mum just hands me the same amount the double seed from the woman was, for no reason. Just "Here its for you" and a smile. That was a blessing.



I also wrote here about screaming and a comment was made about having a controlled enviroment stress-relieving scream in real life and that its not only ok but important sometimes. I understand that, and thank you for the comment. But this was my controlled enviroment scream. Yes, I usually do hold things in...because I'm afraid of blowing people away and hurting them. I'm not saying its right or wrong, its just the way I deal. I am learning to re-phrase and really think about the things I have to say to and about people. I don't desire to hurt people, besides hurt just breeds more hurt. I am also trying to express myself the Christian way. Wait....before you get all your britches bunched, I know the "Christian way" can be argued 7 different ways, leaving everyone on different pages. But I'm not talking about the social-clubber christain way. Of course I could upload how I feel about everything and everyone on here. But truth is it wouldn't do much good at all, it would only cause more hurt than it causes me. And no, I wouldn't feel better afterwards. I do cry and let it out in small amounts but more and more I don't feel the need to, not that I don't think its not the macho thing to do. Just that some of the things I would cry and complain about, just aren't worth it. So, yes...this is what you call rambling on and on for no apparent reason.


In other news, I spent this morning at the church for angel food. For those that don't know what angel food is, its an organization that helps people obtain groceries for a discounted price. A box of groceries for $25. It has meals, veggies, eggs, meat, dessert. Father's House and Larry Hutton Ministries put together the boxes and distribute them to the public. So anyways, I went to help with whatever they needed help with. It was nice to be apart of something greater than yourself, even if it was only for a few hours.

Screams

I need to, but I can't in real life so this will have to do!


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

God has been dealing with me on a number of things recently. He has brought me to a place of revelation about myself. I have been thinking on several questions and searching for the answers...

What am I passionate about? Now passion is defined as Ardent love, Boundless enthusiasm, An abandonded display of emotion. What am I passionate about? I am passionate about my son. Thats easy to recognize. I love him more than words can describe.

Am I passionate about God? Can people look at me and know I am a Christain?
Honestly, I don't know. I said a while back I wasn't going to dance around the bush on here. So, I'm going to be blunt.

I don't think it is evident to people just how passionate I am about God. Most of the time I am caught up in worldly things and wouldn't be able to see Christ in anything I do. I desperatly want to change that. But how? True, I go to church, I stopped cussing. I am making myself read the bible more. My thoughts seem to be constantly revolving around Baby Boy, Thailand, India, Family, God, Marriage, and your basic Universal thoughts. You know trying to contemplate the universe.

I have been rewritting this next paragraph for 20 minutes now. I don't know what to say or write that I want to admit. Wow, theres being blunt for ya. I know God is great. And in my mind I have faith. But my life doesn't really reflect that. I can picture myself traveling in those countries and being married and happy and living in the fullness of God. Then I blink my eyes, and in reality when someone talks about not believeing in God, I end up babbling and not making sense at all.

For example, I was talking to a guy I ran into. He was 24, and he believed that no one has a purpose on the Earth. The God was a unloving, angry God. His exact words were "We are dna rejects, God's trash" I tried talking to him. Telling him we all have a purpose, God does love us and that we were all special to him. He laughed at me. Now I know not everyone you tell about God is going to jump up and down and say "Yes I want that" but to laugh makes me....I don't know what it makes me.

And it seems I can;t finish my thoughts here because once again Mt. younger brother is going to blow up if I stay any longer. Once again they tell me this doesn't matter. I don't know when I'm going to finish this, but whatever.

MY FIRST LINK!

If you look to the sidebar I have recently become a genius ~giggles~ and added my own touch and my first links. Hope you stop by the places to visit!

Not only linkable but likeable too.

NEW BLOG!

I decided to make a new blog with all my poems, short stories, and designs on it. I haven't gotten the designs up yet, but hope to shortly. Hope yall stop by and take a look.

http://www.uniquemind.blogspot.com or get to it from my profile.

Crying Slut

What do I say to a slut?
What do I do when you find the slut is you?
How do I look anyone in the face,
knowing how much my life is a disgrace?
How do I deal when my joy is taken away?
What do I say to this man that just appeared one day?
How do I share the awesome things about my son?
How do I keep from crying, when I find out he is the one?
How do I extend my faith, and believe for the best?
When everything now points to "your failing the test"
How do I smile after knowing such pain?
How could my knowing him be any kind of gain?
Why when the year has come and almost gone,
do things still strain to be difficult and long?
How do I regain my strength and hope?
What do I do to cope?
How do I stand for my son's sake?
How do I hide my feelings, when I feel I'm about to break?
Knowing nothing is too big for God,
How do I say be my strength and my rod?
How do I find comfort, when no one understands?
How do I make things whole again, when I sit on sinking sand?

Seed Time and Harvest

Candy Land is finally over now and I can sit at home and look at the walls of my place and relax! Yes, I'm excited to just relax.

On Sunday, After Praise and Worship a woman came up to me and gave me the "pentacostal handshake" For those that don't know what that is, its a "secret" handshake that exchanges money between people. However, it wasn't the money the woman gave me, it was the words she said with it. " My husband and I believe that you are good and fertile ground, so we are sowing our seed into you." That blew me away, no body has ever said or done anything like that before. What do I do with the money? What am I supposed to do? I don't want to do something trivial with it but I am at a loss as to what to do.