God has been dealing with me on a number of things recently. He has brought me to a place of revelation about myself. I have been thinking on several questions and searching for the answers...

What am I passionate about? Now passion is defined as Ardent love, Boundless enthusiasm, An abandonded display of emotion. What am I passionate about? I am passionate about my son. Thats easy to recognize. I love him more than words can describe.

Am I passionate about God? Can people look at me and know I am a Christain?
Honestly, I don't know. I said a while back I wasn't going to dance around the bush on here. So, I'm going to be blunt.

I don't think it is evident to people just how passionate I am about God. Most of the time I am caught up in worldly things and wouldn't be able to see Christ in anything I do. I desperatly want to change that. But how? True, I go to church, I stopped cussing. I am making myself read the bible more. My thoughts seem to be constantly revolving around Baby Boy, Thailand, India, Family, God, Marriage, and your basic Universal thoughts. You know trying to contemplate the universe.

I have been rewritting this next paragraph for 20 minutes now. I don't know what to say or write that I want to admit. Wow, theres being blunt for ya. I know God is great. And in my mind I have faith. But my life doesn't really reflect that. I can picture myself traveling in those countries and being married and happy and living in the fullness of God. Then I blink my eyes, and in reality when someone talks about not believeing in God, I end up babbling and not making sense at all.

For example, I was talking to a guy I ran into. He was 24, and he believed that no one has a purpose on the Earth. The God was a unloving, angry God. His exact words were "We are dna rejects, God's trash" I tried talking to him. Telling him we all have a purpose, God does love us and that we were all special to him. He laughed at me. Now I know not everyone you tell about God is going to jump up and down and say "Yes I want that" but to laugh makes me....I don't know what it makes me.

And it seems I can;t finish my thoughts here because once again Mt. younger brother is going to blow up if I stay any longer. Once again they tell me this doesn't matter. I don't know when I'm going to finish this, but whatever.