Because You say so...

We Christians think we know everything, and have all the answers. I have come to wonder if thats not just a bunch of political "fluff" for what Christainity should really be.

I recently ran across the blog of Jaw Poetry, it has been added as a link on the sidebar. He also has a blog journaling a new diet he is trying out. In one of his entries he gives the account of sharing his food with a hispanic man outside the restaurant. What really caught my attention was that he didn't try to push Jesus down his throat along with the meal. He showed this man love, with a genuine heart.

You wonder just how much of Christianity is just because "We say it is..." I know the past year I have been really trying to find the black and white answer to "What is Right and Wrong" I have questioned everything I am and do, right down to the clothes I wear or don't wear.

I think growing up I had this idea of what a Christian should be and do. That a Christian toted around a Bible, constantly quoting bible verses, spending hours in prayer, maintined a wonderful peaceful family. The family would also attend church every Sunday, Wednesday and every specail event. That a "real" Christian wouldn't have anything to do with drugs, alcohol, tattoos, peircings, or have to deal with any "real life" issues. They would obstain from the biggie....sex, even though there would be a house full of children. This thinking may seem more than a bit skewed. But how do you change it? I remember thinking sex was wrong, period.

I will never forget that day on the playground, in 3rd grade. A little girl was angry with me for playing with a boy she liked at recess. To "get me back" she told me that my mother had sex to have me. I was shocked, outraged...I remember thinking my mother doesn't have sex, she is a good woman. Only prostitutes have sex. Thinking my teacher would back me up, I explained it to her. She said it was true. ~GASP~ So I stormed home after school, ran to my mother's room and yelled "You had sex to have me?" Not knowing where this was coming from she laughed thinking I had lost my mind momentarily. She tried to explain that was how you had children, and that it wasn't bad. I thought you had children from kissing. Anyways, looking back on it its funny, but how much of what I believe as "wrong" now is the same kind of situation?

So, if you think back to the basics of Christianity what is there? Well there is love. Jesus showed extreme love to everyone he met. He told his followers to love each other as he loved them, unconditionally. So maybe the hardest thing we as Chritians stumble over is judging others. I have always said that it was wrong to kill a man on death row. My reasoning for that was not judging him. That is God's place, not mine. So why then, is it so hard to let that be my reasoning for everything else I see as wrong? Well, maybe because I needed to search through it, and ask my questions. Maybe because it was a growing process. Who knows...

If you then apply that to everything else that you view as wrong, and put love and understanding in its place, then what would life be like?

Letter to Young Man,

Dear Young Man,

Young Man you are on the verge of experiencing life. However, in your eagerness to explore don't let things get in the way of what you truly want out of life. If I could give you anything it would be this advice. Don't let your pride keep you from being vulnerable & don't let your anger hide your smile. Remember that you are loved because of who you are, not what you can acomplish. The roads that life may take you down always have a destination, be careful which ones those are.

Above all, remember that you are the young man that God called you to be, and he will never forsake you.


From the heart of,

Young Woman

Today I laughed as hard my sides hurt. You know the kind of laugh that makes little kids squeal and run to the bathroom. I had forgotten what it felt like to laugh that hard and enjoy it. It was rather silly and unexpected but I threw water on my little brother. The look on his face was priceless, and his little voice cracked his surprise back at me. I almost rolled in the floor laughing. My lungs felt like they were about to explode, as I watched him whip off his shirt and try to hit me with it. Baby boy just say there looking at us, but he was really good security guard, until his Nana took him giving brother a better chance of getting me back. But Ah! I'n a smart cookie, I sat on the couch that he dare not spill anything on and watched him wait for the second I moved. He even tried to "take it outside" but I know better than that. He's a sweet kid and I'm glad we could have that moment together.


One-sided water fight : $1
One safety couch : $950
Time spent with a sibling laughing : Priceless

You scored as Musical/Rhythmic. You are sensitive to sounds in your environment, enjoy music and prefer listening to music when you study or read. You learn best through melody and music. People like you include singers, conductors, composers, and others who appreciate the various elements of music. Musical/Rhythmic 86% Verbal/Linguistic 71% Intrapersonal 71% Logical/Mathematical 50% Visual/Spatial 50% Interpersonal 50% Bodily/Kinesthetic 43% The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences created with QuizFarm.com

Prodigal

adj 1: very generous; "distributed gifts with a lavish hand"; "the critics were lavish in their praise"; "a munificent gift"; "his father gave him a half-dollar and his mother a quarter and he thought them munificent"; "prodigal praise"; "unsparing generosity"; "his unstinted devotion" 2: recklessly wasteful; "prodigal in their expenditures"


I wanted to write about being a prodigal woman. However when I looked up the word, I found a different meaning that what I had thought of all my life. You see, I thought being a prodigal person meant that you ran away from something and then came back. I'm glad I looked up the word though, it actually does more for me than the previously thought definition. The parts of the definition that caught my attention the most were "distributed gifts with a lavish hand"; "his unstinted devotion" and "unsparing generosity"

Even though the definition has changed in my mind, I am still a prodigal woman. I have been shown unsparing generosity. I have recieved gifts from a lavish hand. And I have experienced unstinted devotion. However the most powerful thing, that is brought to mind is that I never deserved any of it. I was and am loved for me, and he is proud of me for being me. Now talk about unconditional love.

Could you stand in a mirror and say out loud, he/she loves me, regardless of my faults? Do you know in the back of your mind that you can always come home again? Do you know that even though you don't deserve it, gifts are still given to you daily?

For me, this is extremely humbling. There is nothing you can say that would explain why you deserve it. You didn't do some wonderfully outrageous, extraordinary thing. To know that someone loves me that much...brings a feeling I can not describe.

I have been thinking about this alot today. Every time it crosses my mind, tears spring up out of no where. Well, maybe they are from that dark place inside everyone, the place where only you know your thoughts, words or actions....and despite them, they love you.

Just one question then....


How do you show that kind of love to someone else?

There isn't much to write about, I have pretty much blown all of my steam. I laughed so hard about all the things I was stressin about. Its amazing how your mind hypes things up and you stress and trip over seemingly huge mountains that really are only pebbles in your shoe. I feel loads better, and will try to make a good effort not to let that happen for a while. I do think it helps to put things into perspective though. Everything seems relatively easy after you blow the steam.

Baby boy is doing the funniest things I have ever seen. He has been crawlin around, you know checkin out the place and today he had a poopy diaper. But that didn't stop him, or wait it did. He started crawling slower and slower, and had the most peculiar face on. Still determined to find out what was around the corner he took a big breath and crawled another few inches before I scooped him to change him. After that, it was no problem he was down the hall in seconds. Only looking back to decide if he wanted to play with the speck of something he found on the floor.

Then later in his crib, he tried to walk all of the rails on his crib. I had sat the boppy pillow in there with him while cleaning up. I wanted to step on it to turn the corner. I kept telling him, "Take your foot down, you'll fall" and he kept slipping it down and grinning like "What I didn't do nothin" When he thought I wasn't looking he steped up there again. He must have thought that holding on to the rail would save him, but the boppy rolled under his foot and he fell flat on his back. Now ususally he would have cried and I would have picked him up. But he just stuck his feet in the air and looked at me, then rolled over to play it off. He didn't make a sound, but got in the same spot to try it again.

Due to the recent increase in excercise...yadda yadda my thighs hurt. But you could say that is a good "side effect" if there is such a thing. At least I know those muscles stil work. lol

Thoughts

So I was sitting here thinking about what it means to be a real Christian... and my mind wondered to the Ten Commandments. That and television, for some odd reason. But anyways, I began to think through the Commandments. Do we realise just how much we abuse them? You can pretty much turn on any channel and find some one lying, stealing, killing, disrespecting, lusting, and a whole bunch of other things. So then I question myself with, "Why do I watch things like that?" Then I remembered how somewhere in the Bible it says to hate sin, and to abstain from the appearance of evil. How does all this come together...

Anyways, So I started thinking about the way a Christian should act, and talk and dress and such. A whole bunch of questions started running through my head. How much is too much skin for a woman to show? Should a woman cut her hair? Should I watch shows that don't follow what I believe? Even if its for fun, or a joke? Wonder if we should live more like the Amish? What would I do instead of watch tv? What would I have done if there was no tv?

Should I cover up like the Eastern woman? Also, I noticed Juanita Bynam Weeks, In all the times I have seen her she has had on long sleeves, and a long dress with heels and a modest neckline. Now I know some people reading this will think thats over the top. But I have to say that was more sexy to me than the mostly naked women you see plastered over everything. Should I never wear pants? I guess this seems trivial to alot of people and I find it hard to explain in actual words. But more and more I see the world in a different way. and just maybe its God's way of telling me how I should be. How I should keep my mouth closed more often. How I should think carefully about how I act, or speak. What my role in life should be. Who knows, all I know is these kinds of things have been going through my mind alot lately.

Sometimes I think its silly, other times I think its one of the most important things. Funny, what kind of thoughts fill up your day. Of course there are other thoughts. I have debated putting them on here. I guess I will, but I don't want any comments from this portion of my post. Deal?

My grandmother, does so well for a while and then out of no where she is back where she started. This weekend has been really rough for me, although no one here would know it. I have not let a single tear fall from my eyes, I kind of stone-walled it and all my other feelings. I felt I needed to be strong for everyone else. Also because it wasn't the time or the place for it. She started talking about it was her time to go, and the Lord was going to take her. She refused to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom or take her meds. When the time passed that she believed she was going to be taken she felt as if God chose not to take her and she was deeply upset by it. I have so many questions about it, and it worries me. I don't know what to say, I just want to cry.

Forget it, I tried putting my feelings about it on here, but I feel too vulnerable to put the truth.

So, we are serious about taking better care of ourselves this year than the last so, I am going back on my "diet" I quote it because its not really a diet just better judgement.

1. Drink Water
Maximum of one glass of juice, tea or soda a day.

2. Only eat when hungry, and do no over eat in the process.
3 meals a day, no munching
fruit/ yogurt for snacks

3. Excercise daily

4. Absolutely no food after 8pm


There you have it. This works well for me because those are the things that usually kill me. Before Baby Boy I sucessfully kept off 45 lbs. and maintained a weight of under 200. Best of all, I know how easy or hard it can be on a given day. I know what the rewards are, and remember the feeling of self-respect and worth. Only thing that will be harder, is the access to the foods/ drinks that are to be kept to a minimum. Last time I just didn't buy them. They stayed in the store. But now, I cook for other people and not just me. However, its still do-able.


so we will see what happens. Current weight= somewhere around 245lbs.

What am I thinking?

Goodness gracious me... what am I thinking...

Well just thinking through all of the things that are going on right now. Ha funny, that was vague. If you really want to know here is what I have really been thinking about or did. Whatever, just read...



So, I was thinkin I was pretty tired of my hair. Since Baby Boy it grew down to the middle of my back, almost to my lower back. I went to have it trimmed, you know a couple inches. I returned home with about 10 inches gone. Now my hair rests just on my shoulders when its straightened and flipped up. It is just hair, and I wasn't upset with the lady who cut it. It will grow back, but for now its more mangable and out the way.

Its also time to head back to the gym... pregnancy weight has got to go. I'm too fat for my fat jeans and thats-a-no-good! But you are supposed to take better care of yourself with each passing year, so yeah...

Baby Boy is rarin' to go and thinks he can just take off walkin. He is successfully pulling up on his own and taking little steps with help. (@ only 7 months old!) We are still workin on saying MaMa, but I promise he said it once. So what if no one else was home to witness it. He eats peas, sweet potatoes, carrots, squash and rice cereal. Next we are going to try applesauce! He forever grabs for everyones cups and plates, but then won't eat the food off of it. He dinks out of water bottles with help, but still loves his breastmilk. He ate an animal cracker today and occasionally eats bits of bread or noodles.

The Christmas tree is gone but not the Christmas food, you know how that goes.

The people in the Tsunami have been on my mind alot lately. Over 100,000 people and I wonder how many of them knew Christ. It kind of angers me that people would video tape people being swept away instead of trying to help them. Or that the survivors would overlook others who were trapped trying to find their missing loved ones, and letting those trapped die. I know one can not say what they would do in that situation, because when disaster strikes you never know what your reaction will be. But they are in my prayers.

I watched a show about a man preaching on Jonah. He said he believed that Jonah drowned that night in the storm and the "big fish" only swallowed him up to preserve his body. I don't really know what to think about this. I have always thought God was big and bad enough to sustain a man in the belly of a fish for 3 days without injury. Either way its still a miracle, but still in my thoughts none the less. Read Jonah Chapter 2 for yourself and see what you think.

Also, in the bible there was a man that touched the Arc of the Covenant to keep it from falling off the wagon King David was having it transfered on. This man died, but later in the bible God spoke a blessing on his house and family. This made me wonder... What would have happened if the Arc fell on the ground? This man that gave his life, must have known that he would die. I kinda pictured one of those diving falls to catch a precious breakable. And was this man blessed because he saved it from falling? Or was there some other reason?

Of course, I am always thinking about the next thing to be done, family members and various other things but this is at the top of the stack I guess you could say.

Happy New Year!


Make your New Year's Resolution
to enjoy every day of 2005!


May God bless you!