Thoughts

So I was sitting here thinking about what it means to be a real Christian... and my mind wondered to the Ten Commandments. That and television, for some odd reason. But anyways, I began to think through the Commandments. Do we realise just how much we abuse them? You can pretty much turn on any channel and find some one lying, stealing, killing, disrespecting, lusting, and a whole bunch of other things. So then I question myself with, "Why do I watch things like that?" Then I remembered how somewhere in the Bible it says to hate sin, and to abstain from the appearance of evil. How does all this come together...

Anyways, So I started thinking about the way a Christian should act, and talk and dress and such. A whole bunch of questions started running through my head. How much is too much skin for a woman to show? Should a woman cut her hair? Should I watch shows that don't follow what I believe? Even if its for fun, or a joke? Wonder if we should live more like the Amish? What would I do instead of watch tv? What would I have done if there was no tv?

Should I cover up like the Eastern woman? Also, I noticed Juanita Bynam Weeks, In all the times I have seen her she has had on long sleeves, and a long dress with heels and a modest neckline. Now I know some people reading this will think thats over the top. But I have to say that was more sexy to me than the mostly naked women you see plastered over everything. Should I never wear pants? I guess this seems trivial to alot of people and I find it hard to explain in actual words. But more and more I see the world in a different way. and just maybe its God's way of telling me how I should be. How I should keep my mouth closed more often. How I should think carefully about how I act, or speak. What my role in life should be. Who knows, all I know is these kinds of things have been going through my mind alot lately.

Sometimes I think its silly, other times I think its one of the most important things. Funny, what kind of thoughts fill up your day. Of course there are other thoughts. I have debated putting them on here. I guess I will, but I don't want any comments from this portion of my post. Deal?

My grandmother, does so well for a while and then out of no where she is back where she started. This weekend has been really rough for me, although no one here would know it. I have not let a single tear fall from my eyes, I kind of stone-walled it and all my other feelings. I felt I needed to be strong for everyone else. Also because it wasn't the time or the place for it. She started talking about it was her time to go, and the Lord was going to take her. She refused to eat, sleep, or go to the bathroom or take her meds. When the time passed that she believed she was going to be taken she felt as if God chose not to take her and she was deeply upset by it. I have so many questions about it, and it worries me. I don't know what to say, I just want to cry.

Forget it, I tried putting my feelings about it on here, but I feel too vulnerable to put the truth.