I'm Back....ooo there's no doubt about it....I'm back!

Its been such a long time since I have written here, and its kind of funny that I am writting here now. So much has happened in these last months, I don't really know where to start. My inner self would say that I should write what is on my heart to write, because that always seems to work out best, even though it may not make any sense to others. So thats what I will write and my loved ones will understand where I am coming from.

Over these past months I have been trying to reason out all the whys and why nots about God and Christians. The biggest one being how is my life suppose to look? So for months all I listened to or watched on t.v was christain channels. I looked down on people struggling with Christianity without realizing it. Then about 2 months ago, I had my eyes opened. I'm struggling just as others are. I try to see people as the person they are working on being. I am working on not seeing all the bad they do, but believing the good and wanting sincerly to help them walk in that direction. Thats what I would want others to do with me. Watching christian shows didn't make me anymore of a christian than not. It didn't improve my walk with God. It didn't help me understand why we have our traditions. But one morning on the way home from a friends church, we got deep into conversation...."Why do we recognize that Christianity has its traditions and does not portray the body of Christ as it should but then look down on those who try to change it?" And turns out, I will have to trust God and step out of those traditions if I'm alone in it or not. Which is one step at a time...

Another thing I have been pondering over is the universe...literally. Did you know that our planet, moon, solar system, and sun are exactly placed for the best possible living conditions on Earth? That blows me away, I mean think about it. Think about how big the universe is and how small a cell or atom is. Each little thing is purposedly created and placed in its spot. And this God that put it all together loves you...YOU!

Dreams are another thing that seem to be taking up alot of my thoughts and energy. Some dreams I understand, but still they replay all the time...going over each detail. Then there are dreams that I don't understand. I'm not sure what to do with those dreams yet other than pray about them. Its hard to explain just how I feel about them.

I have been thinking about for the longest time exactly who I am. Its a funny place I'm at right now. I can appreciate the woman that I am, and while I still have questions as to why and how come, I am ok with the person I am. And the people that matter the most in my life accept that about me, for the most part. But everyone can't be pleased all the time.

I love that I like to submit, and yet I love that I can be one sassy woman if I put my mind to it. I love knowing that I'm not a push over and can handle myself, but love that I can put my trust in those I love to handle it. I love being feminine, soft natured and love doing the typical housewife stuff. I like that sometimes I'm hard to understand, it makes life more interesting. I like that I'm eclectic in many different things. I can honestly say I am gorgeous, for me. I don't like not being perfect, but I'm adjusting... lol. I'm not weak just because I am this way, for me it makes me stronger. And I love that there is more to me than a paragraph trying to explain all that I am. lol

I'm in awe with my son, he is the most mischeivous little boy I have ever laid eyes on. The thing that cracks me up is he really believes he can get away with it by just flashing a smile. and for the most part he does, unless its dangerous mischief. But boys will be boys, even if they are boys that put their finger up their noses or climb on the dishwasher lid, or drops things in the loo or franticaly pushes computer buttons. And when the time is right, I look forward to having another little boy or girl for us to have to love and cherish and for him to teach his mischievious ways to. And while T and I have been able to understand the hormones and baby fever, its becoming more of a growing desire for the both of us...but when the time is right.


My next post should be explaining all of that...and eventually I will get around to it.

There isn't really anything I can write that explains just how happy my heart is, how content and at peace I am. How loved I feel, and how comforted. Or how my love has grown for everyone around me & those in my thoughts. I guess you would just have to see it on my face, in the way I walk and the tone of my voice.