In e-mailing my Father yesterday I told him I was blogging again. And that he was welcome to read it with the warning that "I'm not a little girl anymore" I knew it would be alot for him to read and take in, but it was the truth.
Thats one thing about testimonies...they are the horrible awful truth.
Thats part of the point of them...that even though you did all this awful, bad stuff; God loves you and saves you from yourself. That he forgives you. However, that does not exclude you from man's point-of-view on whatever you stated in your testimony.
Lets suffice it to say it will probably be along time before my Father visits my blog again. Thats not a bad thing...it just is.
It took alot for me to be able to write down the things I did, and its even hard for me to read them. I have debated several times if I should take that post off or not. But if I did it would only be my pride doing it. I am not a good person, by nature I am evil. Without God I am more than capable of all the horrible, disgusting things that we deem as wrong in Christianity or evne our society. What make me what I am today is God working in me, teaching me and guiding me. Its God that gives me a heart of flesh, capable of feelings like remorse and love, understanding, paitence, kindness, gentleness, grace and mercy. That why God's love and grace are such powerful, wonderful, amazing things. That is why I can't live without him.
I'm not proud of the things I did, nor the things I should have done but didn't do. When the bible says:
2 Corinthians 5:17
17Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!
Its a very true statement, I am living it. I have to everyday face temptations, and remind myself that I AM and NEW CREATION, my old self is dead. That doesn't mean I don't give into the tempations at times, but God is there to pick me back up again and love on me.
I don't think I can form into words just how this effects my life. And if one person can read this and it makes them rethink their life without God, or it makes them rethink the choices they are about to make, then its all worth it.
Bible Gateway.com
17Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!
Its a very true statement, I am living it. I have to everyday face temptations, and remind myself that I AM and NEW CREATION, my old self is dead. That doesn't mean I don't give into the tempations at times, but God is there to pick me back up again and love on me.
I don't think I can form into words just how this effects my life. And if one person can read this and it makes them rethink their life without God, or it makes them rethink the choices they are about to make, then its all worth it.
posted by Me @ 1:26 PM
1 Comments:
But, I'm back the very next day. Back to read about the better things in your life and how your faith propels you forward.
I cried, I had anger, I even hated. For the first time in my life, I'm ashamed to say, I actually felt the urge to commit murder. I was also very angry with myself; for not knowing; for not stopping it; for failing you the first time. The tears were for you, the other feelings were for others beyond your control.
I took a while to cry through, and another while to forgive others, and little while more to forgive myself for my anger.
While I knew you had been through a lot, I did not know just how much you had been through.
I don't know what else to say right now. Words fail me.
Know that you are loved.
Me
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