Space

I have really been aware of the stress that T has been under for a few weeks now. So I called him and asked him to share it with. So that we could walk through it together and he wouldn't feel like he had to on his own. He said he couldn't do that, it would worry me too much and I wouldn't understand... it was for him as the man to worry about it and handle it, and that included my worries and stresses too. I still felt and feel that its a two way street on this. I lean on him and he should be able to lean on me.

I told him that I would do my best to understand. In my other post when he referred to being stressed out with me, this was what he thought. "How can I take care of you and baby boy if I can't take care of myself, I have to get things straight and taken care of" I can understand that, even though I'm not asking him to be financially responsible for us, I know what he means and I really appreciate that he thinks about things like that. "Well, what do you want to happen, just tell me and I will understand..."

I was trying my best not to let my emotions get carried off with..."what did I do? Does he not love me anymore?" He said he just needed to get on his feet again, and find himself. Then as if he knew what I was thinking he said..." Its nothing you have or haven't done babe, and I would tell you if I didn't love you anymore. In fact I'm going to miss you more than I can say. But I need to do this for us." All I could do was breathe, I trusted what he said, he isn't "leaving", its for the best right now. And whinning or letting my feelings get hurt wouldn't help anything, I just have to trust and pray. I thought I was doing pretty good for "understanding" and said I would let him have his space yet if he needed anything I would be there for him. I was prepared to be "business like" and just say goodbye, but he said "I love you, babe I really do." That meant alot, I know him. He doesn't say things just to be nice, or say anything without brutal honesty. I told him I love him too, and really understood...I wasn't mad or upset. Then we hung up.

Now, I miss him already...if only I could presto-change-o and it all be better...but I am going to trust God and his process.