Monday I wrote about missing T and getting to talk to him. Well I had to call in to work today, cause last night the storm blew out Baby boy's daycare's electricity. So after coming back home and getting him setteled I called him just to say hey. He was just waking up and said he would see about coming over to see me and baby boy. I said ok but didn't think he would make it, so I went back to sleep. He knocked on the door and I say straight up in the bed, I looked out the window and there he was. All tall, dark and handsome. I changed out of my pjs and answered the door. I practically leapt into his arms and hugged him. Baby boy woke up from hearing his voice and slide off the bed and came running into the living room. "Da-Da Da-Da" Now that was a surprise, I didn't teach him to say that, I always call him T. But he ran straight to him and T picked him up, "Hey whats up little man?" I smiled and just let it be.

We sat on the couch and talked. He asked me how I was doing. I said ok and he kept asking me. He knew there was more to it than that. Meanwhile Baby boy had ran off to get his favorite book, "Say Hello to Spanish" He came back and held it up to us, "th-ead, th-ead" We picked him up and turned the pages with him, reading the spanish words. T stroked my hair and asked me again, "How are you doing?" I said "It will be ok." "Oh, it will be? What will be?" So I told him about my job and how some of the people got to me the other day, how family situations have been acting up and how I miss him so, that and how something is pulling on me so heavily. I actually think thats part of the reason I missed him so much. But I'll explain that in a min. So, then I had said everything but what I knew would upset him. But I told him anyway, that guy called me again and is still trying to pursuit me. And it did, it upset him he wanted to know his number. But I don't have it, and don't have caller id. He wasn't thinking I would leave or anything like that, he was upset that even after repeatedly telling this guy that I didn't want a relationship with him he still calls. T said he would say don't answer the phone at all then, but he realized thats not practical. So, we will just have to deal with it next time he calls.

Baby boy wanted to read the book again so we read it through, he started pointing to the pictures saying "dat, dat" then looking back at us. I would say "dog-perro" and T would say the next picture, "cat-gato" and back and forth till he was happy. This is a first for baby boy too. He has never done that, he is learning so fast!

So then I asked T how he was, and he told me about his frustrations with finding a FT job and not being able to see us more often. He really does miss us. His car is in the shop for a tune-up and new fuel pump or something like that and he had borrowed his cousins car. He couldn't stay long because he had to take his cousin to work. So we said our good-byes, baby boy started to cry and want to leave with him. He kissed us both and said he would call and hopefully not stay away so long this time. When in reality it was only what 2 weeks since I saw him face to face, but it felt like an eternity. Well I shouldn't say eternity, it felt like a really really long time.

So, now to explain this feeling. The best way to explain it is a dark cloudy feeling. It frustrates and angers me, it spends my energy and leaves me overwhelmed lots of the time. It not a depression although I could easily slip into it. Its more like a conviction. When will the body of Christ really be the body of Christ? When will we really believe what we say and only say and do what we believe? When will we really care for the well-being of those around us, in Christ or not? And it pulls on me, so heavily...it is a constant pull. A burden. I want to see revival so badly, the pull to just be in his presence, the pull to interceed for others. I can't get away from it. I'm not saying that I want to, but sometimes it feels too heavy to bear alone.

With T, its like he sees it and knows how strong it is. So he tries to comfort me and at least make it easier to carry. And people wonder why I see so much in him, I see those gifts inside him and they are just waiting to burst out.

So thats why a phone call makes things better, and certainly seeing him makes things better. Its not about anything physical, its the emotional, mental and spiritual.

Thats the other thing I want to write about. I work for a Christian company...that is based off of Micah 6:8. Now the atmosphere is great, and the people for the most part are very nice. Some of them are a bit rude and self-righteous but we all can be. Its when I get that phone call, someone in dire need asking me to pray with them because they can't seem to find God in their situation and they are calling from overseas. And all I can tell them is I can't answer that question here is another overseas phone number to call and they can help you. Even though I feel the words coming up out my spirit, I'm required by law to not say anything. That gets to me. I realize my prayer isn't the end all to his problems, and I realize and truly believe that God is God whether or not I prayed with this man. And he doesn't have to hear my prayer for him for it to have an effect. But still being human and hearing the brokeness in his voice. I seriously thought the next words out his mouth would be suicide. And when I get a call from a person wanting to order a product but doesn't have the money and I have to tell them I can put in the request but can't promise anything...although they were very understanding. It angers me, if this product is such a valuable thing, that all Christians need to read or whatever....then in my opinion it should be given for free to those who can't afford it. I understand the costs of making it and yadda yadda, but if you trully valued that person and wanted them to be touched by God...it shouldn't take a monatary amount to make that happen. I know we aren't perfect and I can understand that, and I understand that includes Bishops and Pastors and everyone else. I just really don't see how saying no is being effective in this situation, how does that help her get closer to God? How does that help him trust in God's people? Why do things have to be this way?

One of my desires is to be like the first church. To live daily like they did in Acts 2:42-47 that would be awesome to see that today. To take that life, family, community into the world, to show them that you don't have to live just barely making it and feeling lost. Having Christians all over the world be the body of Christ, working and moving mightly to advance God's kingdom. So that the world could see that with Christ all things are truly possible to those that believe. Thats just part of what my heart cries out for. Part of what grips me so tightly. And I'm afraid even these words don't do this feeling any justice.

But I challenge you...

To catch the fever of God too...whatever fever he may have destined for you.