Straaaaaaange things are happen to me....

I'm not too sure what to think of right now, its way too early in the morning. So you'll get to see what I right about when my mind isn't all there and is distracted. It probably won't be too coherent, but anyway.

Over the past two weeks I have had one embarrassing moment after the next, and it never fails to get me at the most in-oppurtune time. Everything from my best friend's Mum thinking I had hickeys on my neck, which were really burns from the curling iron to messing up my work schedule taking a 30 min lunch that I wasn't supposed to get. I can laugh about it now, but it still kind of bothers me a little bit. My embarrassing moments are definetly hilarious, and most people would probably roll in the floor laughing once they got over the shock factor and stuff.

One happend Saturday, and I almost fell out my seat. I had left my purse over at Tricci's house. I called to see if I could come pick it up, they were home so I said, "Ok, I'm gonna go see if I can donate blood real quick, then I'll be there." Her Mum heard, "Ok, I'm gonna go see if I can go make love real quick, then I'll be there." When she asked me to repeat it, she heard what I really said, but it was too late. I couldn't stop laughing but at the same time I felt bad because she must think that of me, that I would say something like that. She knows and she has told me she had known that T and I have been intimate. Thats no big secret with her. But I would never ever ever in my whole long-legged life would I say something like that. And in the special case I was off my rocker one day, I still would never say it to a friend of the family/adoptive parent. For goodness sake, she tells everyone I'm her God-daughter. Anyways,....



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And here I am finishing this more than several hours later....its 1:20pm here now. And what I have to write about has changed. Its not about being embarrassed with people, or even the reaction people have in dealing with you. Its all about your relationship and walk with God. God truly does work in mysterious ways.

For weeks and months now, I have spouted about basically the "utopian ideal of christianity" and I was frustrated with God. Saying "When is the church going to act right?" But in truth, it was teaching me a lesson...."When am I going to act right." I put the blame on the church from the feeling I was having with being dealt with. "But God it would be so much easier if the church would do what they are supposed to, then I could do what you called me to do." And truth is, thats not what is happening right now. I have to do what God told me to do every day regardless of what others do. For months I put off calling a church member to check on them, afraid to fail in being obedient....so basically being defiant instead of at least trying. Afraid that my own human strength wouldn't carry me. Because I know it won't. So finally this week, I determined in my heart to call. Today I called in from work, that wasn't where I am supposed to be. I tried that too in my own strength, thinking I had to have a paycheck, but it didn't work. While I was putting in another application for a job in my field, I had a very long brutally truthful conversation with my God-Mum2... and she spoke the truth to me. She didn't allow me to put up excuses and "but but" she kept coming until there was no reasons why left, just the raw naked truth. It broke me and I started to cry. Not a sobbing boohoo cry, just a release of the truth cry. Hard to explain I know.

I'm afraid to fail. Afraid that I'm not worthy enough to hear from God consistantly and therefore I felt like I had to rely on what others thought about God and his call for my life. I didn't trust him as much as I said I did. My mouth cried..."God use me" but my actions said "I don't trust so I'm not going to budge"

So I had to learn, and its still a process of learning. That its not up to what other people think about my relationship with God. Or what they think about my gifts and callings, or if they think I'm doing it right. Its about hearing directly from God, and walking in that obedience....even if it means I'm alone in doing it. At least I can say I was obedient, even if I stumble in it.

I came home and called the church member. The same thing God had dealt with me about, just an hour before. Was the same thing he needed to hear. Just because he stumbled doesn't mean disappear, doesn't mean he isn't called of God. Doesn't mean those plans and purposes have changed. It means we are human.

That also taught me that my obedience or disobedience has an effect on the world. Think about it....if Oral Roberts, or Rienhard Bonnke had of been disobedient millions of people would not know Christ, or be healed today. And many many times they felt alone, or inadequate or like they missed it.

I challenge you....I DARE you!


God is talking.....are You hearing Him for yourself?