Starting to Pick Up the Pieces

Thank you John, Grey Eagle, Uncle A and You know who for the comments you left on my last post. They encouraged me lots. Uncle A, I didn't even know you read this, but I'm glad you do or did...you know what I mean.

John I hadn't thought of getting a second opinion until you commented about it. I have been trying to find a second peds Dr. for baby boy to see before the cystic fibrosis testing on the 20th.


That night I wrote Falling Apart, my little brother surprised me. When he heard me crying he made some hot tea and something to eat, he brought it to me with some kleenex. It was the sweetest thing...especially for him. Teenage years have been hitting him hard. I truly appreciated it though and hugged his neck.

T came home Tuesday afternoon, but something is wrong with the phone. He came over yesterday to tell me what all is going on. He is going to BCT and AIT in Missiouri for 17 weeks. He leaves Jan. 19th. His MOS is mode of vechicle transportation...which I think in civilian terms would be a mechanic. He wanted Health Care Technician but there were no openings, mayby he will get to change later...I don't know how all that works. After his AIT he will be stationed somewhere. On his wishlist of 3 stateside, he put east coast cities. And on his 3 abroad he put Italy, Germany and I can't remember the last one. We talked about the move again, and we decided that while he was gone we would be getting ready to move. If he is abroad...we will talk about it some more. If he is stateside then we will move.

We also talked more about the whole pushing me away thing. He said he would try not to push me away and I said I would be more understanding if he did.

So, thats a bit better...we can work with that. And now that I'm looking for a 2nd opinion on the Dr. I don't feel so anxious about it. I will wait to see what they say before spasing out again. Of course prayers have helped me too. When I wrote before that my heart was shattering...it wasn't just because of T. It was because all I could see was my baby boy in a hospital bed with tubes running out of him. And I know with cystic fibrosis, children can pass before they reach 10, and I just could not imagine my life without my baby. Not being able to fix it, or make it better...that is what shattered me.

I still can't get the resident that passed away out of my head. I had her hall last night, and all her stuff is still there. I did good though and didn't cry, but I still hear her voice.