I have come here everyday over this week...I have tried writting things down to convey what I was feeling but never ended up posting it or even saving it as a draft.

This week was so chaotic. I can't say it was all that bad...I had wonderful moments with baby boy. He said "My Mommy" for the first time. We played in the park and shopped for new clothes. He poured milk and tea and juice across the kitchen floor many times trying to pour it.

Although we were short at work...I managed to get the work done...came in for a few hours on Sat. to finish up some things. Everyone was really understanding.

I spent a little time with my brother and we rented Love Don't Cost a Thing and The Gospel to watch.

Tricci and I have hit an awkward spot in our relationship. I don't use the car anymore...I dont even have keys to it. It wasn't giving the keys back that made it awkward. It was a mutal thing..no hard feelings. The thing that made it awkward was that the next time I called she didn't want to talk...she said ..."Yessss?" like what do you want? I had to tell her..I'm just calling to say hey..I dont want anything. That was real awkward. She is supposed to be my best friend but I cant call just to talk. When we did talk she wouldn't open up to me...she held everything real back. I know...10+ years of friendship...believe me I know. Now days pass between us and we dont even talk. I also know that she isn't having the easiest time right now...but she wont let me in. I feel like I'm talking to a wall when we are on the phone.

Yet this week I have missed T so much. I know everyone is tired of me talking about him...I can see it in their faces. But as silly as it sounds...it helps me to cope with knowing he is on base.

The past few days I have just been so drained. I miss him so much and its only been 2 weeks since I saw him. I'm amazed at how many things I think of to tell him during the day...or how many ?'s to ask. Of course I try to write it all down in the letters I send but its just not the same. This weekend...I ached for him to hold me...just for a hot second, to shut the world out and in that moment feel safe again. So the comments made during the week could fade from my memory...so my wheels could finally stop spinning in circles and I could once again just be me.

He called earlier this week and about 2 hours ago...and I'm so glad he did. It doesn't change the longing...but it helps to reconnect any little way we can. 10 min...they mean alot.

And because I have to get up in 4 hours to ride my bike to work...and if T knew I was still up... yeah ummm....I'm going to bed.

Dulce Suenos, Reves Doux, Sogni Dulci, Zoete Dromen,
Sweet Dreams