T just called and you know what he said?...

He said that he missed me and that while I was on base with him all he wanted to do was spend time with me. Yet...he still has that weird thinking of not letting himself getting too close. He said that he didn't allow himself to spend as much time with me because he didn't want to get use to being comfortable again. Because he said he would want me the next day and be dyin cause he couldn't see me. Its not really that logical thinking to me...but its still sweet and makes me go AWWWWWW!

I miss him too, and really if I had known he felt that way, I would have fought more for his attention. However, I know it was the right thing to do sharing his time with everyone.

But anyways, it was one of the most sweetest things he has said in a while. He also said that the running shoes I sent him felt wonderful, and so comfortable...like me.... You can imagine how much that made me grin and giggle like a little girl. And you can also remember just how hearing his voice puts me at ease. So i'm a pretty happy camper...other than the phone he sneaks the calls on dies every time we talk. Not that I wasn't a happy camper already...

You could say I have been at peace with it. I finally have someone I can call a spiritual mentor...a wonderful couple at our church. They have graciously listened to me and still open their hearts to me. They have listened to my tears and my passions and what pulls on me so...and they haven't run off scared. So I don't feel so explosive anymore. I can't say that I have completely dealt with him going to Iraq...he can't even tell me about it. Its like he refuses to bring it up knowing I'm not ok with the thought. I am doing better with it...I think the thing now is I didn't think it would be that soon...July 2nd. And it hasn't really sunk in that he is going so soon.

I'm so very blessed...in so many ways.