Dear Q,

With all the progress and wonderful things that have happened in the past few months, weeks and days...please please don't let our support system and communication lines fail...do you realize how important they are to me? We can't live without them.

I need you guys not to buckle. I need you to understand that even though my family is a pretty good size, there are only a few pillars that I can lean on. I'm glad they range in ages and experiences. I need each of you. I can lean on my Bapu, my Grandma J and T...The rest of my pillars are crumbling. I can not speak exactly to what or who you are...just this written plea...don't let the house we worked so hard in building crumble. True, I need you to be there...but more than that we need each other. I have been there through your hard times, tears and angers.

I haven't told you everything that I have been feeling and the things that I have pushed aside. I haven't allowed myself to deal with my Papa's situation. I have not dealt with things goin on in my body, I have only mentioned the surface things. Also I have onlys gone a little bit into my emotions about everything going on. How my Mum truly makes me feel, and my brothers. My reasoning for this is, I have to believe that there is great things going on right now. And there are! Awesome things, to really be grateful for and cherish them. I am trying so desperately to not focus on the bittersweetness of it, or the out and out disappointing things going on. We are strong enough to get through this.

I know it upset you when I told you please not to stress this...I wasn't tryin to make you stress more. I needed a break from hearing about all the things we don't have, or still need. I'm too young to die from worryin about stuff...and you are too. Miraculously there has always been a way that was made, or an allowance to circumstances...if I don't trust that all of it will be handled then, what hope is there?

Love,

Me