I cried all last night and most of this morning...
I cried because the thought of leaving school has actually crossed my mind. I no longer have daycare, still don't have transportation and I have 2 more days of school that I can miss for the whole year in order to still take my state boards...
A leave of absence would let me come back where I left off next year...push my graduation date back and give me year to get transportation. It also means that I wasn't good enough. That my Mum was right, I can't do it. I would have disappointed all the people I was trying to prove wrong about me, and the ones who are proud that I got this far. It would mean I would have to give up my dream for a while.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!!! But I really have no choice.
I'm trying not to think about it meaning I would have to stay away from T another year, because thats not why I'm in school in the first place. I'm doing it because this is my dream, where I'm supposed to be. To make life for my son better.
I don't know how to explain it without tearing up and sobbing. All I can see is the faces of the people who thought I couldn't do it, who thought I wouldn't make it, and those that never took the idea seriously.
I just want to be held and go to sleep. But I'm a woman now...I have to face it. And if it means keeping my son in a safe place, or a roof over his head...then I'll have to give up my dream for a season. Although I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself not being in school and learning.
I need a MIRACLE
posted by Me @ 10:03 AM
1 Comments:
HEY! This is your blogger friend from a long time ago. I drop in on you occasionally just to see what's up. (I also call my husband T). But I just want to say, WHO CARES WHAT THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAID YOU COULDN"T DO IT THINK!!! They are not living in your shoes, are not responsible for the things you are responsible for... and sometimes you do have to take off from school. I had to do it TWICE for financial reasons. It's just part of life, and you have that little one there who knows his mommy is wonderful whether she is in school or not. So let them think what they want, sit in their smugness, but you know that you are making good, solid decisions and that's what counts. (Just my two cents!) PS. Sob all you want, too! Sometimes it just helps.
Meandthefam
Post a Comment
<< Home