Ok so with the whole break up thing, I have really been evaluating myself...I'm not sure why really...I think I did everything I could have done. I'm not saying there wasn't anything I could have done differently...anyways back to the point.
So I have spent the last 3 days with Tricci...just chillin out. No work, no school, no family just me and her...it made me realize a couple of things about myself...
1. I don't wish to be without my little man, I love him so much.
2. That I'm full of layers...let me explain...
when T said I was beautiful, or gorgeous...I believed him. But not enough to think that anyone else would see me that way. I feel like no one would bother with getting to know me, I'm no model or skinny fashion girl you see in the mall. Yet, really if I look at myself...beauty is not my body, or the way I talk...no I'm not irresistable...but I'm worth getting to know. Even if its just as a friend. You know what its like to be with someone, just hangin out and for a split second when they laugh or make a face you see "them" who they really are...you can always find beauty in that. We don't allow ourselves to be shine like that often. That led me to the 3rd thing.
3. With or without a man, I don't have to be anyone's model...all I have to be is ME. I don't have to turn heads at the grocery store, no one has to dance with me or ask for my number...just as long as I can look in the mirror every night and see who I truly am...thats beauty enough.
4. Sometimes letting go is better than trying soo hard to hold on. No amount of love can make it better...I do not have to settle for a one-sided or sometimey relationship.
5. There is more to life than this situation...more to love than this hurt...more to integrity than the desire for vengance...
posted by Me @ 1:29 AM
3 Comments:
Absolutely, girl! I have an aunt who has gone through some pretty horrific things in her life, yet she always handled it all with so much grace and dignitiy. So when I go through a rough time in a relationship, I picture her and all of her gentleness, and think "Yeah, this isn't worth my dignity." Grace and dignity.
meandthefam
Just as you are amazed at what Little Man learns in a week away from home, I am amazed at how much you have grown over the last 6 months to 1 year. Your writings here bring out just how much you have changed and grown over the last few years.
Yes, God's grace and your dignity make an excellent team. Hey, even I learned something on this one!
Know that you are loved.
I am proud of you.
I agree with "anonymous" who loves you and is proud of you! I'm so proud of you as I have watched you grow and change.
You ARE beautiful, inside and out, but the inside is the most important. What good would it be to have a beautiful exterior and a rotten interior? My Grandma used to say that pretty is as pretty does. Now I know that what makes me beautiful is the love I have for others, the character, patience and kindness that have developed in me over the years. It sure isn't about whether I have an Elizabeth Taylor nose! LOL. Our family was so hung up on our noses and one doctor tried his best when I was in my twenties to take away my inherited family nose and make my nose like Elizabeth Taylor's. Well, I rejected that idea because I inherited my nose from my father. When my father passed away his nose was comparable to Jimmy Durante's. (You may be too young to know about Jimmy Durante, but he was the king of big noses.)
At the funeral parlor my husband and I waited for my mother and the other relatives to arrive before we viewed my Dad. We were sitting in the hallway opposite a room that had 3 caskets inside with bodies to be viewed. My husband nudged me and said, "that one is definitely your Dad!" I asked how he knew. He said his nose was sticking up above the rim of the casket. And so it was. We laughed about it. Big nose and all, my Daddy was greatly loved.
Years ago I had a conversation with your Uncle B.T. It was about noses and how changing my nose would not make people love me. If I am loved, I am loved for who I am, not the shape of my nose.
The man who will truly love you, will not just love how you look (thought he may be smitten by how you look), he will love who you are!
I know that your blog is not about noses, but it is about your beauty, and realizing that your beauty is not about the exterior. Beauty is reflected in the soul and seen by the soul of others.
Beauty is little man reaching out to touch your face and seeing your "owie" and wanting to make it better. He is developing a loving and kind soul.
My dear, you are very pretty. You have a pretty face, pretty hair, pretty body. You are also beautiful!
Love,
Gray Eagle
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