Hey hey hey...I'm back...

I just enjoyed a fabulously somewhat boring week and a half iced in...no school, no work...just the house. My little man did some new amazing things though...he gave me homework to do, remembered that it was due the next day and I got in trouble for not having it done. His new favorite question is asking did I pee on myself...I'm not sure where he got that from. He is helping me cook more and more and tells me when to go to bed. He still can get whinny and clingy but hey he is still little. I love it when he shows his muscles and grits his teeth then runs full speed straight at you just to stop a little short of you and laugh.

I did learn how to play spades during me ice vacation, it was fun. I like it a whole lot better than some other card games. Only I don't understand the whole renig thing. Its a strategy, then why can't I use it? Yeah its a gamble to win the books with but it makes the game more interesting...

I found out T is silently still asking about me, seeing how I'm doing. He says he is getting his head together, to see what he wants. I don't know how I feel about that. Truthfully, I'm at the point of pretty much asking for an arranged marriage. My heart is tired. I know with an arranged marriage that we are both in it for life, and I will grow to love him. I'm not saying thats what I'm doing...I'm just really tired. Truth is having someone new like that to just leap in and trust, work it out as you go in life, scares me. I just wish the committment was there to see it through. No worries though, time will tell.

I'm trying to get back into the swing of things with school and clinicals but I have to admit today was not a good day....I bombed 2 tests. I studied, and did the work...but got misunderstood, and did the wrong work in some cases and studied the hard material...overlooking the easy. Turns out the hard stuff wasn't on the test. And because it will be a month before we take another test...If I don't make a 77 on these tests then I am on academic probation...well not just me anyone who didn't make a 77 or better.

Now something that is really really bothering me...is my hair is falling out. I have a patch in the back of my head that is only about a 1/4 of an inch, and surrounding it my hair was about 4 -5inches long. I had Q cut it and try to disguise it but its really bothering me. I'm not sure why though, it really is just hair. It will grow back, now that I have cut my hair so short I don't worry so much about having good hair and no one can touch it. But at the same time, its freaking me out...

I'm only 21...yet I have so much on my plate. I'm faced with a bigger situation than I planned for and I can't bring myself to say no. I don't know what to think about it. I can't see myself turning away a family in need, they have no where else to go. I don't have time to say, I don't want to deal with anyone but me today. Its just a bit overwhelming right now thats all. But hey life doesn't stop just because you need to take a breather.